aylisse's Xanga

sleep

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 05:10:48 GMT

it's all I want to do. Sleep. Just sleep, sleep and sleep and sleep. Maybe when I wake up everything will be okay.

I wish.

it won't.

Sometimes I pray, so hard. that I just won't wake up. I fear I'm going crazy. It looks so funny to See it here. Supposadly if you think your crazy you aren't. I'm not so sure.

It's funny how much pain is twisted in sleep. I fear sleep so often because of the dreams. But when things are so hard, it's all I want.

I wish I had magic words.

I wish I had some sort of power to make time go backwards.

I wish I had better sense.

I wish I had so many things.

I wish I had someone to talk to.

wishing doesn't get you anywhere.

neither does praying it seems

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Wed, 23 Nov 2005 21:36:48 GMT

okay.. so I'm like.. IN NEW YORK CITY!! does this sound like kimmie at ALL?? I"m really happy though, everything seems to be working out wonderfully. I spent the day with Kev and we ordered pizza and watched cartoons. He's like a minature of his father, very cute. I brought bilbo, and will post some pictures of bilbo's visit to NY. Today I mostly rested, it was nice though, I'll go out and see the city soon.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Sat, 18 Jun 2005 20:20:04 GMT

okay.. so I didn't die

and I don't have cancer

I did have the worst week ever at the hospital

mostly through my own fault

sometimes life truely sucks

and sometimes it does not

I'm okay.. whole and in one peice

I'm not allowed to get up.. but.. I'm not dying either and next week I will probably be able to get up.

I pee all the time.. I know.. everyone wanted to know that.. but the difference is really amazing.

i'm trying to deal with things. I hope I can keep it up. I need to.. not just for everyone else, but for me as well.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Tue, 17 May 2005 01:37:46 GMT

I really think I'm dying.

I have this stupid cold.. I cough so hard I can't breathe. My whole body feels so wierd. I am so so cold. I wish I could get warm.. *whineeee*

I can't think of anything else to write right now.

perhaps more tommorrow.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Thu, 21 Apr 2005 02:59:52 GMT

okay.. I'm like an utter moron.. I guess I took my pills twice this morning?

which is strange.. I felt okay.. I painted.. and took a walk.. and raked.. then when I got in the shower.. oh boy.. dizzy.. lightheaded.. hey where the hell did my fingers go?

makes for an interesting shower experience.. let me tell you

uhmmm

I don't think I have much else to say today

I'm tired now.. bye bye

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Sat, 01 Jan 2005 07:33:51 GMT

http://www.redcross.org/metadata/IRF/Tsunami/04/LinkinPark.html

Wednesday, December 15, 2004

Wed, 15 Dec 2004 11:40:52 GMT

to much stuff going on.. can't even try to explain it all

Ron was gonna die.. or at least that's what I thought.. very very scary

he didn't.. very very good

we have been christmas shopping.. tiring.. very very tiring.

the kids are all okay

we don't have to bury them

guess that's good

SK is wonderful..

Friday, November 12, 2004

Fri, 12 Nov 2004 23:41:56 GMT

http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Aylissa

go visit the link .. be a vampire.. comon.. it's fun.. and you wanna .. you know you do!

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Wed, 20 Oct 2004 04:35:23 GMT

Yesterday was pretty scary, Missy was on the phone and I was cross stitching, when I kinda heard her say something about it being 2:30.. so I look up... and sure enough it is.. and MM is NOT home yet. I had just read this blog the night before about this poor women who's son had disapeared for three whole days and I thought at the time that I would die. so I was a little (just a tiny bit) quicker to panic then ussual. Se checked to see if he was just being slow coming into the house and looked around to make sure he wasn't around.. then we were both starting to get really scared.. so raven called the school, and the bus driver hadn't shown up, so they were late leaving, the kids were all still at the school. OK.. we can handle this, why didn't the school call and tell us.. because they are STUPID!
Well, he got home, and he isn't breathing right, so Missy gave him a breathing treatment.. and he started doing his homework.. only he keeps coughing.. and keeps saying it hurts to breathe.. so we cuddled on the bed for a little while.. then I listened to him breathe again.. and he's making this little growly noise at the bottom of his lungs.. damn. So Missy took him to the ER.. a few hours later, and I was only spazing a little during this time. she brought him home.. and we thought everything was okay.. he looked a little pale and was quiet and kinda tired looking.. but.. then fighting to breathe is tiring. He wasn't laying down more then an hour.. when he starts making this awful teakettle noise. raven and Ron were taking him to the hospital again, when he stopped.. and they waited a little while, and he didn't start again, so they brought him home, and put him back to bed.. I went to bed a few hours later. When I woke up this morning, after dreaming all night that he had been taken to the hospital and choked to death. .. they were gone.. at the hospital again. they came back.. and we had breakfast.. he's got all kindsa new medications... but.. he's OK..

Missy took him to the regular peditriction.. both evie and sam called within seconds of each other to make sure he was okay.. Everyone loves the MM.. who could resisit :)

While Missy and the boy were at the doctor, I vaccumed the living room and did some other stuff then sat down for a second to rest.. only.. it didn't last for only a few minutes cause I just fell asleep.. and I could NOT wake up .. I was just SO tired. but I felt much better after I woke up.. even though raven had come back in the meantime.. she said I winced and whimpered in my sleep and even moaned once.. I don't remember why personally
but.. the boy was OK through most of today, he has a new steroid and new breathing stuffs.. but he's breathing!

The girls got their report cards back today.. Evie's is just amazing, she's making so much progress.. we're so proud of her .. and she's so cute.. she's not happy with 1 A and 3 B's.. she wants ALL A's.. and she says she's not going to stop untill she gets them. I told her to be proud of what she got.. she said she is.. but she wants better. She's improved so much this year... it's just wonderful.

I'm having a really good couple of weeks emotionally, I've felt Much more balenced and happier.. not ALways happy.. but not depressed either. Mostly just safer and better. Writing the lists and dealing with stuffs is .. hard in some ways, but it's making other things Much easier. It's good.

I think that's all for right now.

Friday, October 15, 2004

Fri, 15 Oct 2004 03:50:12 GMT

Tanya and Nathan are gonna get married. That is SOOOOOO wierd. They don't seem old enough to me. But I guess as long as they love each other and are willing to talk and deal with each other.. then they might be okay. It would scare the hell out of me to be 20 again.. *ugggggh* way to young.. think everything in the world is about you .. blah. nope no fun.

I keep thinking about cutting my hair off, or doing something odd to it.maybe adding blonde streakies to it or something? anyone got any suggestions.. Normal hair colour suggestions?

Cleaned up the living room yesterday, it looks awsome. My back hurts as a result though.. :( Really hate that.

I finnally figured out the stupid fireworks buttons! and I made like.. 64 buttons.about halfway through the computer decided to puke.. I was SO worried it wasn't gonna finish saving the buttons I was working on at the time.. I think I would have cried.. but! it was okay.. and all was well with the world.

The bunnies have been really strange lately. I went to clean thier cage and vaccume my rub the other day.. and first I cleaned their cage, then I put them inside.. and I started vaccuming.. and they start kicking more stuff out.. so I vaccume it.. and they kick more stuff out.. but they *looked* like they were upset with the vaccuming.. so why were they making sure to make me vaccume more??

brain damage!